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Dumbass Database
A collection of dumbasses for your amusement
Created By: WebMasterP
Version: 2.8.5

Category: Tech support

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Dumbass #127 - Submitted on 07-07-2002 by xTm_sLyy
I think I was on crack and I ended up buying a Intel Mobo. By Asus. Now you have to relize Intel is the only chipset that is sold where I live. I soon found out the Mobo was shorted. So I took it back to Te*****e *Shit place*, This just cracks me up. The tech on hand was some little nerdy punk kid that thought I knew nothing.

Tech- What seems to be your problem?
me- Yeah I bought this mobo yesterday, got home and found out it was shorted.
Tech- Well thats imposible we test everything before we sell.
me- Well I know I didnt short it, all I did was hook the atx power supply up to see if the shit thing worked. But it did not.
Tech- Then its not shorted.
me- Then what is the problem?
Tech- I dont know.
me- You need to figure it out then im telling you its shorted.
Tech- Now listen here if I take this into the back room and test it, it will work!
me- Oh yeah? Well then please do it in the mean time get the manager for me.
Tech- Brb.

Well the manager comes I tell him the speal. I end up getting another mobo from him but that tech guy doesnt know.

Now when the tech comes back he's laughing

me- Whats so funny?
Tech- its shorted! You did it when you put it in the case.
me- oh yeah?
Tech- yeah!
me- Well I dont have a case right now! So how is that posible? Tell you what this mobo is under warrenty how about you hook me up with another one.
tech- Says yeah ok.

I ended up getting two peice of shit Intel Mobos which isnt bad. I guess

Gotta love Aberdeen!

- xTm_sLyy
Comments: 1 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #123 - Submitted on 06-05-2002 by SeanOMatic
I work in a small local comp shop. This guy, who was probaly in his fifties came in because the new modem we sold him didn't work. I took his computer in back and brought him with me. I turned on his machine and surfed the net and did some critical updates and it was surfing very fast for a 56 K modem. I tell him it is fine and send him free of charge. He takes it home and calls back swearing. "You asshole, you lied, this thing doesn't work."

I drive to his house and turn on his computer, and sure enough it works just fine on the internet. I ask him what the problem was and he said that he kept getting these critical mesages that his modem is too slow and that he needed to upgrade. Damn ads will get these morons every time.

- Sean
Comments: 3 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #24 - Submitted on 02-01-2002 by digitalsolo
I worked tech support for a mid-size OEM. One day a lady called, and asked me to help her install a modem. I spent 10 minutes telling her how to take the case apart, where to plug it in, etc. Finally I said make sure the computer is off. She said, "ok" then I told her to plug it in. She yelled, "It sparked and the fan quit spinning" She had turned off the monitor... Amazingly enough when she brought it in, everything was fine.

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #8 - Submitted on 01-16-2002 by Marticus
I once Worked For Tiny Computers UK's Technical support department. And During My time there had Several Dumbasses Talk to me on the Phone.

The best however was when a fella rang me and advised me his computer was not turning on.

I asked him to Check All the cables.

He told me he can't see very well There is a power cut In His town.

True Story True Dumbass

- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 1

Dumbass #170 - Submitted on 10-25-2006 by jshort
A co-worker asked how she will know when her flash drive is too full. I connected the drive and proceeded to show her how to check the properties. I was explaining to her that the pie chart showed that she had plenty of space left. With a confused looked, she then asked why it said "File System: FAT" if there was plenty of room. Obviously FAT means you are too full.

- Donella
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #166 - Submitted on 03-11-2005 by ellencherry
I know it's a pointing device, but come on!

In the early 90s, I managed a busy branch of a large copy store chain. We had a very large computer area with about 20 workstations available to customers.

One day I was helping out in that department moving from user to user answering questions and generally helping out. At one of the windows machines sat a middle aged woman who was just staring at the monitor. I asked her if I could help her with anything. She said that she was new to computers and couldn't figure out how to move the 'pointer' on the screen. I showed her the mouse, demonstrating the basic point and click motion. She thanked me and went to work.

I came back by a few minutes later to check on her and - you're not going to believe this - she had the mouse in her hand, up in the air, pointed at the monitor and was furiously clicking! Like it was a remote control.

I had to go to the back room to compose myself before I could get it together enough to explain it to her. It still makes me giggle.

- ellencherry
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #155 - Submitted on 03-14-2004 by Blue_MiSfit
So I go to this guys place to have a look at his "messed up" computer, and he gives me this long spiel about how cool his computer is etc... he said he was having problems with it and I just wanted to see what he had inside it, so I crack the case. Inside I found a 1GHz Via C3 system with 128mb of ram and an AMR modem. The only half decent hardware in this system was the 40GB Western Digital hard drive.

Keep in mind that he was promised that it was a "top of the line system" (he purchased it in mid-2003) - Looks like somebody got ripped off.

However, this isnt the kicker. After I opened up the system, I noticed (obscured by the vile AMR modem) a monstrous chunk of bone. Yes bone - the stuff dogs chew on. There were no openings in the case that could have possibly warranted the entrance of this bone - yet it was there. Thus - someone in this creepy redneck's white-trash family had stuffed a bone in there.


- Anonymous
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #151 - Submitted on 11-03-2003 by Red Squirrel
I have my own computer support/repair business and I often get calls to come and troubleshoot a computer, most of the time it's a win98 computer due for a clean install so I end up spending a few hours there depending on how slow it is. Well not too long ago I got a call about "disk boot error", the person was just saying the error from the top of their head. I was imagining the hard drive crapping out, a file system corruption etc... so I was getting ready to tell them I can come and look at it and sell them a new drive if it really is caput. Thankfully I asked more questions, since it turned out there was a floppy in the drive and it was trying to boot off it. People most wonder how us tech support people can "fix" computers over the phone like that. :D

- customer
Comments: 0 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #145 - Submitted on 04-28-2003 by lwebb
I'll let you decide how funny this is cuz it happens to me at least twice a week...
(phone rings)
LUser-"I can't log on"
Me-(sigh)"Is your caps-lock on?"
Me-"what's your password? Are you spelling it right?"
LUser-"its pacific, of course I'm spelling it right! I log in a jillion times a day..."
Me-"What's it say in the top box?"
Me-(sob)"Well, I'll give you a hint:the administrator's password isn't pacific..."
LUser-"Well what is it?"
Me-(Oh Lord, save me, it's only Monday!)"I'm NOT telling you the admin password...highlight 'administrator' and type in YOUR username."
LUser-"What's my username?"
Me-(bangs head on monitor)"You don't know your own first name?"
LUser-"oh...can't you just come over here and help me?"
Me-(primal scream)"Don't make me walk halfway across the plant just to log you in! Who's sitting next to you?"
LUser-(names another Dumbass LUser)
Me-"Have (named Dumbass LUser) help you.
LUser- "Ok, Thanks!"

- Anonymous
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

Dumbass #137 - Submitted on 12-03-2002 by Splice
Bit of a reverse Tech Support story...

September of '96 and I'm headed off to college. Had my computer about a year, am pretty savy with the software, but have never cracked the case open. My parents end up buying this tech support contract that the school offers, one of the services being they will install your ethernet card so that you can connect to the network from the dorms.

So a couple days later the guy comes over to install my card. Goes fairly smoothly, although he has to ask me how to get the case open (first sign of trouble, it was a Packard Bell BTW). When he's done he tells me he has to give the info to the network guys so they can activate it.

Hour or so later I get a call from the network admins, saying the tech guy gave them the wrong number, and I can either have them come out again or just do it myself. It's real easy they say. Their office is a five minute walk from my room, so I go and get one of their instruction sheets which explains everything extremely well.

Turns out what they need is the NIC's MAC address. Right at the top of the page it says something to the effect of "If you get 44-45-53-54-00-00 this is NOT the right address" (it's for the PPP adapter). Of course, this is exactly what my tech support guy gave them.

Needless to say I never used their tech support again (and my parents' money went wasted :P). On the bright side, it made me think this wasn't all so tough and I proded me to start learning about PCs :)

- Cal Poly CyberHelp
Comments: 1 || Votes: 0

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